Keeping Your Vows

Signs your marriage could benefit from marriage counseling.

Years ago, you stood at the altar full of love and hope. Then something happened. Your marriage began to fall apart. You began to question or forget the vows you made to love, honor, and cherish in sickness and in health, until death do you part.

There are few guarantees in life. One is that marriage won’t always be easy. Some days you may wonder if you’re married to the same person you pledged your life to. You see the couples on the news celebrating 50, 60, even 70 years together and you wonder if that could ever be you.

For couples who feel their marriage isn’t what it used to be, who feel like it’s falling apart, or who feel like they’re falling out of love, there is help and hope. Marriage counseling has a high rate of success in helping willing couples to get through tough times and come out stronger.

Wonder if your marriage could benefit from counseling? Here are six signs it’s time to make an appointment.

#1: Poor Communication

Good communication is key to a strong marriage. Does every conversation end in arguments, yelling, hurtful words, or sarcastic comments? Are one or both of you overly sensitive or defensive? Or maybe you and your spouse hardly communicate at all anymore. You’re like ships passing in the night or one of you is giving the other the silent treatment. Regaining communication and being understood is essential for a healthy marriage.

#2: Lack of Trust

Marriage is built on honesty and trust. Has there been infidelity or an emotional affair (in person or online)? Is one of you lying to the other or keeping secrets? Broken trust leads to further problems in the relationship. While it can be hard to heal from broken trust, a counselor can help you work through the issues to regain trust.

#3: Indifference

Marriage without love and passion is lifeless. Have one of you become indifferent to the relationship? Have you gotten to the point where you don’t even care enough to try or even to argue? Indifference is considered by some to be worse than hate, because it’s a complete lack of caring about the good or the bad in the relationship. Indifference can be caused by unresolved hurts or as a way to retaliate against your spouse. Counseling can uncover the root causes of indifference and help you move forward.

#4: Money Problems

Differences over the way to save and spend money is a leading cause of marital problems and divorce. Are one of you a saver and the other a spender? Then you’re bound to have tension over your finances. A marriage counselor can help couples come to an agreement over how to handle money.

#5: Grown Apart

Do you feel like you’re just coexisting with your spouse? That there’s no longer a spark, intimacy, or a desire to spend time together? You may not argue or avoid each other on purpose, but you’ve just grown apart. It wasn’t intentional, but life is busy and over the years you’ve spent less and less time together. If so, it may be a good time to make an appointment with a counselor. Do the hard work and you’ll begin to reconnect in meaningful and fulfilling ways.

#6: Frequent Arguments

Tired of arguing all the time? Do you seem to fight over the same things over and over without getting anywhere? Then you may benefit from marriage counseling. While not all arguments are harmful, many arguments can be extremely damaging to a relationship if healthy conflict resolution tactics are not used. Whether the arguments stem from unresolved emotional baggage, hurtful actions, money, or a difference of core values, a counselor can help to bring understanding, compromise, and healing.